dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
