i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
