Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
