Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
