Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
