can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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