I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
