God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
