He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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