I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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