don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i will never coherently bang her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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