the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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