The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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