so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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