dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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