listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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