the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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