do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
PANTIES FOUND
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