This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
