I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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