she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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