I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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