So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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