If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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