can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
