saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
