Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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