he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's the barista slut.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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