i'm signing you up for texting rehab
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
