You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
