i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tornado booty call.. dedication
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
