Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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