Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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