I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
