she smelled like a LAN party
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it penis luge time yet?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
