im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
