You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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