I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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