I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
