you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
