I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize