Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
