I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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