i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
