Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
