someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
