im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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