If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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