I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
