You're so nebulous sometimes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
